Karpe Diem

The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

It takes a very certain kind of person to want to read such a book as this, and then another layer of specificity for this book to ring true. It is another person entirely who can take the advice of Gretchen Rubin to heart and implement. I am somewhere between the last two people.

I love reading self-help and growth books. The challenge of growing myself is the challenge I like best in this world. Why else would a chubby girl decide to become a runner? I'm the least flexible and least patient person I know, and I have already decided to dedicate a significant amount of 2011 to Bikram. What I mean to say is, I already agree with the assumption of the book, which is these little thoughts and changes in your life will make you happier. Now I find myself, at the start of 2011, deciding which of these seemingly small truths I may be able to tackle.

If you have never read a book like this, there are a few things similar across the genre. Much like Anne Lamott, or Elizabeth Gilbert, these writers are giving practical life advice. Gretchen offers little lists from time to time. Her personality is much more type A than that of Lamott or Gilbert. Rubin mentions her affinity for note-taking, making lists, and generally a sense of order. Here are a few of her lists:

Always say hello
What would my mother do?
Don't get up in the 5:00's or go to sleep in the 8:00's (A.M. or P.M.)
Down with boredom
Change is good
First things first (ex: eat before a job interview)
Choose the bigger life
Buy anything you want at the grocery store- cooking is always cheaper than eating out
Things have a way of turning out for the best
Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without

TWELVE COMMANDMENTS
Be Gretchen
Let it go
Act the way I want to feel
Do it now
Be polite and be fair
Enjoy the process
Spend out
Identify the problem
Lighten up
Do what ought to be done
No calculation
There is only love

SECRETS OF ADULTHOOD
People don't notice your mistakes as much as you think
It's ok to ask for help
Most decisions don't require extensive research
Do good, feel good
It's important to be nice to _everyone_
Bring a sweater
By doing a little bit each day, you can get a lot accomplished
Soap and water remove most stains
Turning off the computer a few times will often fix a glitch
Ot you can't find something- clean up
You can choose what you do; you can't choose what you _like_ to do
Happiness doesn't always make you feel happy
What you do _every day_ matters more than what you do _once in a while_
You don't have to be good at everything
If you're not failing, you're not trying hard enough
Over-the-counter medicines are very effective
Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good
What's fun for other people may no be fun for you- and vice versa
People actually prefer that you buy wedding gifts off their registry
You can't profoundly change your children's natures by nagging them or signing them up for classes
No deposit, no return

Rubin breaks the book up into 12 sections. Each month of her year, she would focus on an element of happiness. For example, February: Remember Love. Through document various resolutions and ideas, she comes to a few key truths. Her "First Spendid Truth" is, "To be happy, I need to think about feeling good, feeling bad, feeling right, and a sense of growth." She explains over the course of the book all the little things she does to recognize these kinds of truths. For instance, you can increase what makes you feel good. You can lessen what makes you feel bad. You get the idea.

The tone and personality of this book probably rang more true for me than most. My personality feels very similar. Rubin talks about getting so lost in a to-do list that she will forget what is really important or sacred about the day. But knowing how good she feels getting things done keeps her from ignoring the list. It is a vicious circle- I'm telling you! She also mentions flatly the assumptions she had of how to build happiness- "...the scented-candle-pushing brand of happiness..." But then, in criticizing some of these ideas, comes to see merit in them. I myself, am a recent convert to scented candles. They are like a small luxury deposit. You spend the amount of two coffees up front- but you sip them for several months.

This book, while a prescription for happiness changes, can also be more of a study guide. If you take to heart her methods, you can find the happiness changes which are SPECIFIC to you. A couple of my realizations:

-Lighting matters. I'm a natural light person, I need vitamin D. Also, I need cozy warm light. Light affects my mood and energy tremendously.
-The best place to keep old birthday cards, is hidden in your bookshelf. You don't want to get rid of them, can't stack or clutter them in a closet, so put them where their wisdom can find you at random.
-Just drink more water

Rubin talks about strategies for reframing which help you to stay happier. She notices putting the word "'meditation' after any activity, it suddenly seemed much more high-minded and spiritual: when waiting for the bus, I'd tell myself I was doing 'bus-waiting meditation'; in a slow line at the drugstore, I was doing 'waiting-in-line meditation.'" Currently, I need to focus on my 'car-buying meditation'. Instead of stressing and exerting meaningless energy, I need to focus on patience and reflection in this time of frustration.

You wonder if a book like this comes off as self-righteous or condescending- it doesn't. Gretchen is super grounded, speaks openly of her own challenges and failings, and addresses the concept of judging and how it works with and against happiness. She talks about the misguided belief that, "unhappiness is selfless and happiness is selfish". In August, while contemplating spirituality, she studies Saint Therese and explores the efforts behind acting happy, regardless.

In September, while focusing on passion, she explores making time for what you love. She speaks to the anxiety involved with finding or declaring a passion, and how you might go about exploring yours. The advice is, 'DO what you DO'. Put another way, 'What do you think about while you are sitting on the toilet? That is what you WANT to think about'. This holds so true. I know I would feel confident in saying my Mother's passion is crosswords, my boyfriend's passion is video games, etc.

I recommend this book for folks who want to grow themselves, and who are committed enough to that to do it when it is a chore. The subjects are not always going to ring through to you, and sometimes you would rather read a comic book (maybe that's just me), but if you can muscle through those times, you are probably better for it. It is not the most brilliant writing you will ever read, nor the most entertaining, but it is definitely beneficial. More beneficial than other things you could spend your time on? Only you could say. If reading and spending time on these issues gets it done for you, then maybe this will get it done. If you are more likely to make changes in your life by seeing Pay It Forward, that is definitely less of a chore and less time consuming.